The Phone Call

The next 9 months I think I was too busy to even think about how miserable I was.

Granted I was nauseous at least 6 of those months all day 

and 

hated all of the people who made pregnancy look glamorous.

There were days I couldn't stand the smell of my own make up.

It wasn't glorious exciting & fun.

I was overweight, sweaty, & I hated everything about the human race. 

How anyone breathed, smelled, or looked....they were all terrible beings.

I don't remember exactly what day but there was that first re-position that She made in my stomach that lil glimmer made me Cry INSTANTLY.

Her FIRST milestone.

The tiniest lil ripple in my belly made a HUGE difference.

Then I would sit waiting for more and MORE.
To the point where I made believe every time I passed gas she moved or maybe she did, they all kinda felt the same in the beginning.

It was exhausting.... 

once time got closer I cut down my work load and was just attending school...

Which made me stir crazy at the dumpy EXTENDED STAY HOTEL where we resided because I wasn't finished with school and I wanted to have her in Des Moines, where I had spent the last 9 months with MY doctors.

They say,
"you should get all this rest, cause you won't sleep once the baby is here."

I WISH I WOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THIS AND TOOK IT SERIOUSLY.

I was sitting on balls bouncing and walking like it was my job all because, I wanted out of that dam crappy small studio dirt apartment.

She was in there for 42 weeks. 

The last 3 weeks SEEM & FELT like FOREVER!!!!!

& she still didn't want to exit.

She was just chilling,

Kicking my ribs EVERYTIME I ate Salt & Vinegar Chips

& waking me up EVERY morning at 4 a.m.

Finally are last appointment hit and she was STILL not ready.

So they made an appointment for her exit to be the next morning...

PERFECT 

We'll go home

have a FABULOUS supper

and sleep sleep sleep...

On the drive home we received a call....

"How would you feel if we started tonight?"

AT THAT POINT IT BECAME REAL...

as if the last 9 months never happened and i wasn't just getting fatter.

I WAS PREGNANT

I WAS GONNA HAVE A BABY

CUE THE FLOOD OF EMOTIONS!!

We raced to our Room PACKED UP EVERYTHING that we had accumulated over the past 2 months in less than 45 minutes and headed straight to the hospital.

SHE WAS COMING.

WE WERE READY TO MEET HER.

I was terrified 

.....hadn't a CLUE what to expect in the next few hours.

Digital Fortune Teller

   Mid Summer we were blessed with such a fabulous surprise that neither of us saw it coming.

Neither of us were scared.

It was just like it happened at the perfect time.

Weeks of feeling flu'ish and ill, I thought well perhaps why not test my skills and see exactly what had been bringing this on.

BOOM!

There it was....

                    a digital stick sitting on the back of the ivory throne.....

Some people would consider this the stick of goodbye to your life.

PREGNANT

clear as day
 no need to trying again, just to get an answer that I still wouldn't believe after seeing that 8 letter word.

I, BLANCHE, procreated. 

I wasn't sure if it was good for humanity but, I, on the other hand, was kind of emotionless at the time.

NOT nervous,
I wasn't In tears of joy,
I was just...

                                                        There.

I told the Significant Other and he knew what we had to do.

We were gonna PARENT THE SHIT outta this child.

He showed up the quickest that he has ever been on my doorstep from 2hours away and we just sat in silence thinking.

It was sweet and quaint and just nice knowing that i could sit in a room with someone and feel comfortable not having to say a word.

The hardest part of this was telling my  family, 

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home...Went to a Private Catholic school k-12 & well, out of wed lock, this was just hard for most people to grasp....

Of course after a few weeks/months they came around.

My father knew without me even saying the words, like he was a psychic guru or what not.

From that point on I work my big bootyed butt off.

Doing 60+ hour weeks, making sure I graduated on time and before the lil one was here cuz I KNEW I wouldn't return after & working to make sure I too could provide for my increasing appetite as the months went by.

Baby was my GREATEST Inspiration.

SHE was exactly what I needed & JUST at the PERFECT TIME.

She Saved me from staying in the funk that I was in and made me something...

                                                          A Mom!

                                                       I take that title seriously.

                                        & it is one I will NEVER take for granted.

The Links Between Freedom and World Changer

Okay so now you all know the background....
I was an outgoing social butterfly who had a fabulous army of friends and a NEW! boyfriend who was supportive and super chill.

My next big feat was returning to school.... like stated previously I did the typical Des Moines jobs, and worked as a waitress for a few years (which i totally loved) but just couldn't see me being okay and doing it the rest of my life, no offense to anyone.
JUST WASNT ME.

I had big ideas, BIG DREAMS,...after a VERY intense conversation on the LEGENDARY 101 patio, it was finalized I would return to my educational roots and become a cosmetologist.

First half of my time in school I was in and out as I please more focused on the job that I had, with my Best Friend, at a local upscale salon. Making sure to make money and kinda slack on my tending class.

I took some time off from the school scene to really determine if I was wasting my time there or if I should just continue working the front desk at my salon job instead (which is still to this day my FAVORITE JOB EVER)...

I spent a lot of that time spending any free time over in CR and getting to know the BF even more.

It was awesome...
life was fun
              fancy
                   &
                     free ...again.

Which made my return to school rough after my 3 month break, but I returned with a good head on my shoulders and a ready to do the damn thing attitude.

& although I was back in school it was summer

and we lived it up with boats, water, and concerts galore.

GLORIOUS Summer of Freedom!

The Army

So we've covered the nickname, my first true Des Moines friends, & my first drunken incounters with the love of my life....

That brings us to the army of gals that helped me thru..

There are many woman whom helped me along my way and there are many gals that I am thankful for.
& Some came and gone which made an impact, but we won't speak of them.

A few of the ones that stuck around and put up with my shystie self are a HUGE array of personalities and each of them is like a tiny part of my personality as well.

1st. I met at my first "big girl" job in  downtown Des Moines at Tells Largo.
We were both sitting in training class possibly both complaining of a hangover in need of a drink.
That very moment we knew we were destined to be together.
MAW-Mondays After Work became our favorite as were WAF-Wednesdays After Work etc.
She Sheltered me when I was homeless trying to get back on my feet for a few months
(may I add I feel like EVERY 20 something year old should be homeless at some point in their life. Truly makes you work your bum off)
Also took me to work when my "Car Wouldn't Start" for reasons....
She was like the sweet TOUGH ASS GAL that shook me off and kindly said in her own way "get your shit together."






2nd Gal I first met on my way to a long weekend stay at a friends vacation home in the Ozarks...
She's my Favorite Gal of all seasons.
I was told in that car ride that

"she'll let you know if she doesn't like  you"

So I was terrified not knowing who the hell I was going to be spending the next 4days with.

Obviously we ended up totally hitting it off glow sticking & Party Poopin our lives away.
She had my back on countless attempts of trying to make myself happy.
Taught me that life can't be made thru money and with doing something daily you hate. Gotta do what you love or love what you do.

"Just live to be happy not rich."

3rdly My NBD pal had an eye on a young gal that I was like
"Oh great! Just another 'hey how ya doing, welp see ya later' gal."
BUT NO...she could hang and she became my mom.
The meal cooking....
sleep on my couch and hang....
Hershey box sharing, mom.
& She's gonna be an AMAZING mom here in a few short months & have the same story to share.
There were days I wouldn't even go home and would just happily be with her "Eating HAM" or secretly destroying the Old Country Buffet.



& Last but surely NOT LEAST


4th is a gal I met on the first day of my return to school...
We hit it off because basically we could sing and dance. We were toe tapping monsters...
She called me when I didn't show up to school, countless times, and get me up to make me feel like an ass.
                      It worked every time.

We ended up working together at our PT job and I ended up being in her wedding.
We talk weekly to this day. She's my Till Death Do We part!

Each of them are my Closest Friends due to the fact that they helped me thru HUGE obstacles in my life.
Homeless, Jobless, Depression, & pregnancy.

Kudos, Ladies! Kudos!

Going Steady

        It was around the same time that I was discovering the amazing times that Des Moines had to offer me... was about the same time I had met,
whom at the time I wouldn't realize I would make a happily ever after with,
a man in a dimmly lit bar (supposively) trying to buy me drinks....I dont recall this evening as well as he does but I guess I completely wrote him off cuz I was too cool.

Which was prolly right.
I blame copious amounts of rumplemintz and long islands. (both which make me shiver typing)

We were acquaintances and had mutual friends. We'd run into each other periodically when he was in town and a few times during Iowa Hawkeye Tailgates.
He was even on my 25th birthday party bus, but by the end of the night who wasn't?....
according to my memory Lil Wayne was riding that magical mystery tour. Woof!

ANYWAYS...

It wasn't until my 26th birthday we were in a car on the way to a friends place for an after party....(insert fuzzyness)

 We woke up on adjacent couches him trying to find a ride back to his hotel & me trying to figure out what kind of food I ate before I passed out cuz it still tasted decent
His hotel coincidentally was 2 blocks away from my apartment at the time....

Cab arrived and we trekked back about 20+miles back to downtown....
That morning was my actual birthday ... he had wrote on my Facebook wall while we were in the cab... (and if you know me you know that I NEVER owned a smart phone).
I would receive text msgs stating when someone wrote on it....we wrote back in forth on the post from inches away talking about how neither of us had cash and we were gonna have to run cuz the meter just hit a ridiculous amount

...& then ....
there it was....
I dont know if he asked me or if I said something about tailgating
BUT
we exchanged numbers....

From that very day on my 26th birthday we started texting ....NON-STOP....
all day....
morning to night.....
24hours a day.

We were technological pen pals....

I began to wonder how people learned about each other before cell phones/texting.

He did, however, stand me up on that following New Years Eve, (due to the flu) which SUCKED but totally made up for it that following Valentines Day when we decided we should just be together in a total Saved By The Bell way we were like TOTALLY GOING STEADY.

I like to consider myself more of a Tory of the later years and he seemed dreamy like Zach Morris but was more a Screech Powers at heart.

If I hadn't met him & than continuously re-met him...

Who knows where I would be?

Not healthy.

Not safe.

Being with him makes me a better person. 

He saved me!

(I just ate a hand full of rusty nails to regain my hard ass status)

The Saga Continues

So to start off I'm just gonna say that this blog doesnt go into great details & individual storys of the Blanche time....let's just say that is a story in itself....

More so this is a blog consisting of how I went from a fuzzy 0 to a Gwenny hero...

With that said I will continue......

So I liked the nightlife for the fact that I LOVED to socialize I couldnt stand to be alone when I knew there was someone out there who would go for a brew & shoot the poo for a few hours....

I lived my weekends overly excited for wondering were I would be at 2 a.m....
There were a few places you could find all of us....

1. A dimmly lit pizza place

2. A cab waiting in the drive thru for the worse mexican food & a delicious rice water

3. After ransacking a bartender at close to somehow sell us a box of beer you could find a great amount of people seated around the marble island of apt#101 in the rumley lofts.

Its there that I met my 2 best friends....people ill never forget & people who you could not talk to for weeks but when you do you pick right back up where you left off.

We spoke about future trips...we played mulitple games of hang man on the giant white board & there were countless dart tourneys.

Life was great & when you were having a fun night it didnt end until you were walking around the farmers market with a brew, the same clothes from the previous night & a pair of sunglasses....hadn't slept & wanting a burrito before you hit the hay for a few hours.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Back to meeting my 2 bestys....lets consider them no hair but cares & NBD...

No Hair was passed out in a booth but woke up long enough to state his name & that he enjoyed motorcyles & my shoes....

Zombie Prom.......never have I EVER ate so many
Twinkies! #ThanksObama

NBD some how adopted me to be his daughter to look out for me. That storys a little blurry, but they were the 2 that I could call on no matter what....give me a safe place to crash & visit me in the hospital when the story of Blanche was coming to an end. Theyre the ride or dies....

They also are the 2, for the first few months to a year, believed my real name was Blanche.

NBD will soon be telling the same story & No Hair is the non biological godfather of Gwen...not like really but like the type that wears suits & gold rings & leave horse heads in your bed.

Seemed legit.

To them I dedicate my fun times & apologize for the times that I gave them no choice to not celebrate half birthdays or Tuesday happy hours or to drink to the fact that I looked good in my license picture after getting it back.

In The Beginning

After months & months of saying,

•  "I should start a blog" 

• "I'm like real clever & I think IM funny" 

I decided, since I have the afternoon free of  mommy duties and my work seems to be finished, what the heck today is thee Day.

(in advance grammatical and punctuation errors are not proofread becuz it isn't how I write, its all about what I'm typing)

My life seems either reality show gold or blog worthy.

So......
 HERE IT IS!!

Ladies & Gentlemen
Boys & Girls
Cats & Dogs
Astronauts & Cowboys

Introducing the college started, cosmo completed, party retired, 9 month experienced Mama....
ME!!

Lets start by saying life has changed A LOT from the past 5 years to now & EVEN MORE from the past 10 years. But I don't feel like I really started enjoying life to its fullest until 5 years ago. Which is RIGHT where it all begins.

The story of Blanche and the beginning of my blog.

Around this time about 5 years ago I was just starting to really leave the whole corporate America scene (aka the job that everyone seems to had or is working, a number taking nomad at, lets not name real names, but it rhymes with Tells Largo and FationSide)

I was sick of the non changing everyday schedule of a non-brain routine (which at this point in my life you would think I was bloody ILL from stating), but I just couldn't see me in it forever....around this time I started to frequent a Sushi Bar in the area that seem to become my mecca of total release and "me'ism". It was there that I had met the most amazing people that I truly began to see were MY Des Moines family. Home away from home. My drop me off at home I'm Blanched friends.

You know them and we all have them. The friends that would sit next to you in a jail cell saying "crap we messed up....it was fun....but now what".
 Than you look over and say "yea man,& I just used my 1 phone call to order  pizza",
you embrace in a high-five and are totally content with your situation.

If you were a Downtown DSM frequenter you know
and Miss this slide as much as the rest of us. Blanche
in her own habitat.

If you missed it The Blanche began 5 years ago...I was a Karaoking, Long Island Drinking, socializing fool.

My moto:
"You can't really enjoy the weekend if you Don't start drinking on a Wednesday"

Soon after that Blanche was brought up as the oldest lady name that started with a "B", & it stuck. Sadly was also the name of the slutty Golden Girl, let me state for the record, THAT WAS NOT WHY.

Blanche wasn't so much a name as a state of mind where ya just kind of forgot there were people around. You were singing off key, the wrong words and dancing like the whitest person you know, but when you looked around the smile you brought to someones face laughing at you or just enjoying the show that was what you were there for.

So what at that time you did your math that $20 would buy you 4 Long Islands and you were done for the evening, you were there for laughs and memories, fuzzy or otherwise.

Blanche was a great gal. 

The Woman, The Myth, The Legend.